My husband was giving a Bible study in an Arab village. We were in the translator's home and I was discreetly looking around the room as the men were talking among themselves. I noticed a beautiful cross stitch on the wall. Many Arab women make cross stitches to decorate their homes.
I told Walid, our translator, that I liked the cross stitch and he said his wife had made it. I told him it was beautiful. I went through a phase where I cross stitched and know how long it takes to make one. This one was pretty with a Scripture written in Arabic script. Using sign language and smiles, I let Hala know that she had done a lovely job on her cross stitch.
In America, if you compliment someone on their clothes, car, or something in their home, it is polite. In fact, some people leave unique things on their coffee tables as conversation pieces. Americans like to be complimented on their belongings.
In the Arab world, however, complimenting someone on a possession is a HUGE no-no. They will think that you want that item! And, often, they will give it to you.
A few weeks after I complimented Hala's cross stitch, her husband brought me a little bag. (Hala could not speak English and I could not speak enough Arabic to hold a complete conversation, so her husband translated for us.) Inside the bag was a cross stitch pattern, canvas, and thread that matched the cross stitch on Hala's wall. She had gone to the trouble to go get all those items for me just because I complimented her cross stitch.
It was a reminder to me to be more culturally aware and sensitive. What is acceptable in America is not necessarily acceptable everywhere else. When in Rome...
I was just glad Hala had not given me the finished cross stitch. That really would have caused me to feel bad about my cultural misstep!
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